Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize