I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
