i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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