I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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