i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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