and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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