is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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