It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
