i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
