And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you win again, gameday.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
this will be a night to untag.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
