i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
