Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
