i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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