I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
