Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
