I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
There's even glitter on my cock...
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