God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
