You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
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You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
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You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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