Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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