My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
