I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
