STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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