You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
