found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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