OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize