i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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