You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
