do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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