our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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