I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
