Already got asked if we're dating
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
