I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
