Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
