Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
