I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
