first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
