ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
