Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
