she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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