i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
