Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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