I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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