Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
