every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
