Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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