I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
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No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
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Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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