he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
