Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
