thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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