Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
