just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
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Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
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Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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