He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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