You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
