shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
