Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
