I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
