is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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