We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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