Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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