dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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