Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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